I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
