You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
