I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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