I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
