Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
