The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
