For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
