If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You were trust falling into bushes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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