I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
