TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
