i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
there is puke in my bra ... again
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