he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He has the fingertips of a God
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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