my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
