my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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