I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
