I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
