Dual....:-)
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
