tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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