I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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