a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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