new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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