i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
