i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
