have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
