He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
