I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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