all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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