A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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