mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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