I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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