Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
