I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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