So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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