U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
