The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
