He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
