i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
