Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
