"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
