Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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