I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
