great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
