So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
