I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
