you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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