Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
