Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
