If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
