It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
