So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
