I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
