I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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