Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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