Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
