don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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