I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
