Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
