Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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