well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
