I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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