so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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