Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
