i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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