but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
