i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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