Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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