He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
