There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
