I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
