he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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