He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
