When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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