OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
