Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
