I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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