u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
