he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
