I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
