I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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